Type 2: The Need to Be Needed

People who are Enneagram Type 2 are often called Helpers. They focus on the welfare and needs of others. 2s are generous, helpful people who feel that they belong when others need them. 2s are very relational people – some of the friendliest of all the Enneagram types – who are almost always focused on others and maintaining their relationships to others.

2s need to be needed can manifest itself in relational manipulation. The 2 May, for example, assert themselves as an indispensable friend or group member. In this way, the help a 2 offers ends up being more about their desire to be needed and loved and belong than any altruistic motive.

Other words that describe 2s include…

Basic Fear

2s fear being unwanted, unworthy of love, and therefore rejected. More specifically, they fear they are not loved for who they are, but only for what they give others.

Basic Desire

To be needed and loved

A Few Key Motivations

• Want to belong, to be accepted
• Receive praise and sympathy from others
• Want to help
• Want to know they are needed and valued
• Want to be indispensable

Vice

Pride. 2s pride is a false humility that wants to be reinforced by praise from other people. 2s struggle with the desire to help others in order to be liked, accepted, and valued by them. Thus, the help of 2s can become more a selfish motivation than true humility and altruism. This pride becomes a barrier to knowing and acknowledging their true self, their true motivations, and therefore a barrier to an honest, authentic relationship with God.

Virtue

Humility. Our virtue is the oppositive of our vice. For 2s, the virtue is a true, authentic humility. To get to this virtue, 2s must acknowledge that they do have selfish motivations, than even as they have helped others, they have at the same time often hurt others. When 2s can do this, they discover a sobering transformation that begins the journey away from false humility and towards true humility. Along this journey, 2s can become some of the most loving friends, empathetic partners, and caring companions who humbly desire to assist others through the ups and downs of life.

Defense Mechanism

2s typically use repression as their defense mechanism. 2s fear admitting their own needs and feelings lest no one help. If no one helps, then they feel unloved and rejected. Therefore, 2s simply repress their feelings and needs so as to not have to worry about any kind of painful rejection. Of course, nothing can be repressed forever. 2s repression typically leads to them unconsciously expressing their feelings in indirect ways that often involve manipulation and passive aggressiveness: “No one wants to help me. I always have to do things myself. Nothing gets done without me.”

Pitfalls

Flattery. In helping others, 2s evade knowing and understanding their true self. They fill in this lack of self-knowledge with the gratitude and thanks of others. They want to be flattered because it helps them feel okay about themselves.

Projection. 2s will hide their own needs (from themselves and others). But because their own needs are still there needing to be fulfilled, 2s will unconsciously project those needs on other people and then work to meet them through other people.

Helper Syndrome. 2s can struggle to say no, promise more than it is possible to deliver. Then to accomplish their goal of helping, 2s will adapt or change themselves to be able to meet others needs and in the process lose themselves. While Type 9s lose themsleves in others perspectives, 2s lose themsleves in others needs.

Childhood

As children, 2s may have felt a lack of security or unmet needs. This could have been real or perceived. 2s may have felt that they needed to buy love with good behavior and helpful actions. Perhaps they so loved the praised they received when they were helpful that they began to suppress their own needs in order to be more helpful and receive more praise. This can also happen for a 2 when there is an adult in their life that offered only conditional love. This praise or conditional love led to their need for affirmation and their sense of pride when they received it.

Example

Surface Pressure is a new-ish song from the Disney movie Necanto. It summarizes the feeling of needing to help others in order to feel appreciated and loved. The song centers around the pressure that Luisa feels to continuously assist others without anything in return. The lyrics “I’m pretty sure I’m worthless if I can’t be of service” sum up the struggle of Type 2.

Biblical Character

John – the Beloved Disciples. You have to really feel indispensable to the community to call yourself the beloved disciple! John is the only apostle who remains with Jesus at the cross. He emphasizes love in his gospel and letters and yet his love is exclusive, that is, meant for those in the circle of Jesus’ community. Note that John does not talk about loving strangers or enemies as the other gospel writers. John cares about his community deeply, but keeps and holds them close. You can see the good and bad of a 2 here. They can give selflessly, and yet also become possessive and exclusive with their inner circle.

What 2s Need

• To identify, acknowledge, and express their own needs directly
• To realize they do belong!
• To practice gratitude, and not simply wait for it from others
• To sometimes les others make their own choices and deal with the consequences
• To practice helping without being noticed, without receiving rewards. Matthew 6:3-4 is a helpful guiding verse for 2s: “When you give alms, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing, so that your alms may be done in secret; and your Father who sees in secret will reward you.”
• To stop when they get tired and anxious as these are typically signs that they are trying to over-function and help too much. Saying “No” is an important lesson for a 2 to learn!
• To accept that healthy relationships are reciprocal. One must both give AND receive!
• To look for happiness from the inside out as opposed to always expecting it to come from the outside praise and appreciation of others

Summary

Enneagram Type 2 – The Caregiver from Crystal

Are you a 2?

If you think you may be a 2, check out the video below for some helpful connection points to God. Also, be sure to text, call or email Pastor Jason to sign up to take the 40 minute Enneagram Test online. (Paper test are available as well.) Use the contact form on our website or text/call the church office.

Stay tuned to our blog for tips on relationships with Type 2s!