Tips for Relating to 2s

Twos value acceptance and belonging. Yet they seek these by becoming an indispensable help to others. 2s sense and respond to the needs of others quickly, and yet suppress their own needs. They want to help others, but don’t feel worthy of help themselves.

2s want your gratitude, and they will seek it in indirect – even passive-aggressive – ways. They can so overextend themselves in helping others that they completely lose themselves in the process (much like the tree in the Shel Silverstein book “The Giving Tree.” Twos Need to be encouraged to connect with, acknowledge, and express their needs. If they do not do this, like the Giving Tree, they can get caught in unhealthy, abusive relationships whereby a friend or partner takes and takes from them until nothing is left.

Never say anything to a 2 that might cause them to sense rejection. 2s need to be reminded that they are loved regardless of what they do for others, that they belong in spite of how they help, and that they are inherently worthy apart from the help they offer. 2s needs lots of “soft love” before they will ever be vulnerable enough to be challenged by “hard love.”

More Tips for Relationships with 2s

• Share your appreciation for 2s and their contributions. But also let them know you love them regardless of how much they do for you. Make sure a 2 knows you are a friend for the long haul, that you are not going anywhere, that there is nothing they need to do or be. That you love them for who they are. They will struggle to believe you, so consistently reinforce it.
• When 2s feel separation from others, they will create circumstances where they will be needed (however artificially or unnecessary). Remind twos you are there for them.
• When 2s do not feel appreciated they can be overly controlling. Be sure to express gratitude in healthy ways.
• When 2s complain about their health, it is almost always a sign that something is up – they are feeling stressed, that they are tired, run down, burnt out, lonely or depressed.
• Anger from a 2 is a sign of unmet needs, whether the 2 is aware of the need or not
• 2s typically assume that any relational problem is their fault. They are slow to leave unhealthy relationships. They will try to fix the relationship again and again by doing something for the other person.
• 2s get anxious when thinking or talking about their own needs and feelings – they are more comfortable talking about yours, so be aware that they will offer try to redirect conversations to be about you. Help keep them focused on them in those key moments.
• 2s talk things out more than they think things out. So let them talk to help them process.
• Press deeper when 2s say they are fine or okay. Don’t take that answer at face value!
• 2s take things personally often – when they hear “I don’t like what you made or did.” They hear it as “I don’t like you.” Remind them it isn’t personal!