Type 3: The Need to Succeed

Enneagram Type 3s are The Achievers. They are hard-working, goal-oriented people who get things done competently and efficiently. These adaptable folks will be anyone or anything if it helps them succeed. 3s can inspire and motivate folks towards accomplishing a goal. They have a “whatever it takes” mindset.

Type 3s can, on the surface, look like “Mr. or Mrs. Perfect.” They learn the skills, take on the features, and play the part in order to be seen as valuable and successful. They like to be praised for their accomplishments. Yet in their quests to succeed, 3s tend to suppress their own thoughts, emotions, and needs in order to do and become whatever is needed to achieve the goal or accomplish the task well. In the process, their inner self falls by the wayside.

Others words which describe 3s include…

Basic Fear

3s fear that they are worthless and have no value. Behind all the roles they play to be successful, 3s fear that there may not be much value within their true self.

Basic Desire

To feel valuable and worthwhile

A Few Key Motivations

• Praise and recognition
• Competition
• Appearance – to be seen as competent, capable, and successful
• To get things done

Vice

Deceit or Untruth. It’s not that 3s overtly lie. Rather, in their ability to adapt to whatever is needed for them to be successful, they wear lots of masks. They may overstate, exaggerate, and embellish so that they appear competent and successful. 3s greatest deceit is that they deceive themselves, that is, they will believe that they are the masks they put on to appear successful and in the process lose themselves.

Virtue

Truthfulness, honesty, and authenticity. When they truly know themselves and can adapt without deceit, then 3s are able to be authentically flexible people who help get most any job done with honesty and integrity.

Defense Mechanism

Identification. Losing is traumatic for 3. But they are so identified with what they are doing that they cannot simply fail. So, they will usually respond to failure in one of 3 ways:

1. Reinterpret the failure as a victory – i.e. reframe the entire project in a praise-worthy way
2. Blame someone else for the failure
3. Dive into a new project ASAP as if the failure never happened

Pitfalls

• Vanity – 3s want to look successful, even as they ignore what is inside them
• They “pay the game” – become whoever or whatever is successful regardless of what is right or good
• Overestimate themselves – believing everything they do it great
• Workaholic – 3s so focus on doing that they fail at being truly present

Childhood

As children, 3s loved to be Praised and rewarded when they were successful. They began to idealize victory and success. They inner voice told them: “I am good when I win.” Setting their feelings and needs aside in order to meet the expectations of success, 3s lost themselves in the sea of praise and praise-seeking.

Typically 3s wanted to avoid failure as children. The problem: When we fail and find that we are still loved, then we experience unmerited, unconditional love. But 3s grew out of touch with this in their avoidance of failure. So they began to search for and experience love primarily through praise.

Example

3s  are driven by ambition to stand out and achieve their goals, just like Tiana in The Princess And The Frog. In the song “Almost There,” Tiana hasn’t “got time for messing around” as she is so close to achieving her dream. Tiana is a great example of a highly motivated 3. She is also an example of how they can be so focused on achievement that they lose touch with what is most important in life – family, friends, and  significant others.

Biblical Character

Jacob, son of Isaac, takes a shortcut to his inheritance by deceiving both his brother and father. Though he cheats to get the firstborn blessing, he is successful. And it is success that matters to 3s. They will do what needs to be done to achieve.

Toward the end of Jacob’s story, he goes back home to confront his brother, Esau, and the mistakes he made in stealing the birthright. That is what 3s have to do – confront their past, accept criticism, own up to their mistakes, and learn from them in order to be transformed and redeemed. Also, along the way, Jacob wrestles with the Angel. He will not give up, he won’t lose! And he is rewarded for this and renamed Israel. It’s all very 3-ish!

What 3s Need

• To enjoy success without connecting it to their value as human beings
• To allow themselves to fail – to fall and be okay with it; crying can be good for 3s in this way because it is a healthy, healing response to failure
• To tend to and learn from mistakes
• To look their deceit in the face and find their true self
• To learn to stop doing and just be
• To pay attention to the voice of their feelings
• To accept criticism
• To hope – because hope pushes us beyond the tangible rewards of success and towards the unseen rewards of life

Summary

Enneagram Type 3 – The Performer from Crystal

Are you a 3?

If you think you may be a 3, check out the video below for some helpful connection points to God. Also, be sure to text, call or email Pastor Jason to sign up to take the 40 minute Enneagram Test online. (Paper test are available as well.) Use the contact form on our website or text/call the church office.

Stay tuned to our blog for tips on relationships with Type 3s!