Tips for Relating to 6s

Type 6s give their utmost for the people they love. They are reliable, cooperative team players. While they thrive in community, they experience much self-doubt. To cope with their doubts, they will often look to people they really trust to confirm their thoughts, ideas, and perspectives. This means cultivating the trust of a person who is a 6 is important for any healthy relationship with them.

6s typically trust people or institutions that provide safety and security. They appreciate clarity, and so they often place trust in people or institutions that clearly spell out truth, eliminate contradictions, and encourage clear, black and white rules and routines. While it is good and healthy to have people and organizations that one can trust, 6s need to be encouraged to trust themselves as well.

Unhealthy 6s can express this preference for clarity and certainty through rigidity and authoritarianism, ie their way is the right way, the only way, and everything else is wrong and should be eliminated. Learning to let go of the need for a black and white world is essential for these 6s. It is healthy to encourage 6s to recognize that there is always “more than one way to skin a cat!” In other words, there is never only one right way; there are many ways of living and working together for the common good.

Because 6s essential struggle is a preoccupation with fear, they tend to come in two basic subtypes. Specifically, 6s can be Phobic or Contra Phobic.

• Phobic 6s deal with fear by fleeing from it, giving in to it, and/or getting lost in it. These 6s can benefit from a good counselor who can help them gradually face their fear in order to break free from the fear.
• Contra Phobic deal with fear by fighting against it, diving in to it to prove they do not really have the fear. These 6s are often out of touch with their fear because they essentially pretend the fear is not there. They can benefit from slowing down, breathing, examining what is within them, naming the fear, and intentionally working through it.

More Tips for Relationships with 6s

• 6s are averse to success because success leads to the threat of competition. Encourage 6s to embrace the positive impact of success and to acknowledge their anxiety while not obsessing over it.
• 6s do not trust praise. If you praise them, include some constructive critique as well because this will be more believable to them.
• Be genuine and authentic with 6s. They are watching you to determine if you are trustworthy and they do no trust appearances!
• Take 6s seriously when they talk about what can go wrong. But do not indulge them. If you dismiss their fear, they will feel patronized and disrespected. Instead, gentle and patiently help them focus on the best possible outcome instead of the worst.
• Always encourage 6s to trust themselves!
• If a 6 is becoming anxious and reactionary, then enourage them to wait before responding. In contrast, if you sense a 6 is overthinking, then nudge them towards action.
• 6s will check in with you to discern if what they are thinking or feeling is accurate or not. However, they may or may not follow your counsel. They are searching for confirmation, and may continue to search for it if you do not give it to them. So be careful not to place too much value on your counsel. Again, encouraging the 6 to trust their inner self is a healthy response.
• 6s will expect you to be as loyal as they are, but you will not! Your motivations are different from theirs and you may need to help them see how and why. It is a good idea to reassure a 6 that you are committed to them, even though you may not be as loyal as they are in the same way that they are.