Tips for Relating to 7s

Enneagram Type 7s are the fun, energetic, adventurous, life of the party! They have this child-like, never-grow-up, Peter Pan quality to them. They run themselves (and the rest of us!) ragged having so much fun moving from one thing to the next and the next. It’s hard for most other types to keep up with 7s. Others of us can place an undue burden on 7s expecting them to ALWAYS bring the fun. But the truth is 7s need us to bring some fun as well thereby giving them some room to have a bad day every once in a while.

With a “Don’t Worry, Be Happy” mantra, 7s avoid anything painful or unpleasant, whether it’s a conversation, a situation, a relationship, or a task. So, you need to be gentle and brief with them when bringing up anything they might perceive as unpleasant. This can make it difficult to connect deeply with 7s. They just want to keep their options open and be free to take up the next fun opportunity. 7s need to be encouraged to embrace the full range of human emotions. They have a hard time with commitment, routine, difficult conversations, and emotions. 7s Need flexibility and spontaneity in their life (its part of who they are), and yet they also need to be encouraged to embrace routine and commitment when it is clearly beneficial for them.

More Tips for Relationships with 7s

• 7s do not respond well to expectations. So be wary about pushing expectations on them.
• Cheer and light-heartedness for 7s is often “put on” and deceptive. There can be discomfort beneath it. If you are close with 7, you may not believe that there is pain within them, but there is!
• 7s are often unwilling to deal with heavy or sad feelings. This can be very problematic in relationships. Pay attention to the stories they tell because stories are often the way 7s express their emotions (even if unintentional).
• Other people often take their relationship with a 7 more serious than the 7 does. So, encourage 7# to consider their feelings and others feeling before acting – especially if those feelings might be negative.
• While 7s are good a reframing events in apositive way in their heads, the rest of us are not! We don’t go to this magical place where everything is all good. This can be both frustrating to us and to the 7s in our lives. It will appear to us that the 7 is being immature and irresponsible trying to always reframe things into unrealistic wins. And to the 7, it will appear we are being a “Debbie Downer” all the time. It is best to learn to meet the 7 in the middle is such a situation. Yes, there could be a more positive way of looking at the situation, and, at the same time, there is some pain or hurt in it.
• People often complain that 7s don’t follow through because they are always on to the next fun thing. Following through is healthy and healing for 7s and you should encourage them to do so.