Tips for Relating to 4s

People who are Enneagram Type 4 value depth, understanding, and empathy in relationships. They can be creative, sensitive friends and passionate, adoring partners. Fours desire their relationships to be unique and special, just like themselves. Deep conversations are 4s specialty.

4s can get caught up in their emotions. They can dwell on feelings for long periods of time. They can really struggle in relationships when they feel misunderstood. And, yes, 4s will do the push-pull dance with you in relationships. Stay the course with a 4 and your relationship will be better for it.

4s will need assistance in finding balance and discipline. While you cannot do it for them, you can encourage them, affirm them, and acknowledge when they are doing well.

More Tips for Relationships with 4s

• Be sensitive to 4s individuality and needs.
• Show them support through affirmation and compliments.
• Find things to appreciate about 4s and tell them.
• despite the ups and down, the push and pull of 4s, try to be even-keeled with them, stay the course with them, and be a stable force for them.
• Don’t tell 4s they are being too sensitive or too emotional! Instead, let them know you want to understand them, and work to understand their ideas, their perspectives, and their emotions.
• Don’t push 4s away when they get vulnerable or emotional. Instead, try to connect with them, push through any intense or uncomfortable emotions, and value their openness.
• Refrain from telling a 4 that you know exactly what they are going through even if you think you do!
• Don’t try to make 4s feel better. You probably cannot. But you can be authentic with them (4s value authenticity), you can tell them you care and appreciate their specific situation, and you can also be vulnerable and share your feelings with them.
• Tell 4s they are enough!